Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
