Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize