Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
