i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
