Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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