drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
