i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize