I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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