you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
