i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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