omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
