i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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