one might say we're banned from that church
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
