we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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