Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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