you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
