I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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