If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
