I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
did you just send me my own nude
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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