it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
