I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
