I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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