no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
