So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
