fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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