You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
