I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize