kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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