I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
