Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
