OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
