so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
