having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
