come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
