Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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