Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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