before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
