I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
