Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize