it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
