My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't tell me you're on acid again
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize