So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
