it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
