I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize