Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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