I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
