tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
