I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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