i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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