is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
