I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
