i need an iv and a liver transplant
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
