we're blogging at a bar
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
