this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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