i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Green mimosas i think yes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
