So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
