Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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