How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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