so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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