i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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