he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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