problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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