and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
