i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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