dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
