everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
