Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
