i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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