I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
