NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
