I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
