yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
