Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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