you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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