At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
