You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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