I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
