I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize