either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
