and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
