I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
did i walk over a car last night?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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