I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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