my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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