after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
