Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
