But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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