I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
