Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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