Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
