you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
