well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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