He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize