Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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