OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
