You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
