please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
