If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
