This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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