I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize