I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
