I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
