how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
