Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
