the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
