i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
