I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
