Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
