i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
