I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
