I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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