I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up under a house in Key West
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
