my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
