While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
