There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
