i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
