i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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