before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
