Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
