Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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