the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize